trouble is I'm so exhausted

I've been trying for almost 2 hours to post pics of the past week...the fun in the Poconos and Mom and Dad Slaughter's visit here. My computer is against me. Everytime I upload pics, it times out after 10 minutes or so, and I give up. I'll try again tomorrow. Maybe. I'm sleep-deprived after this nasty virus all week that keeps me up coughing all night and steals my voice, so my motivation is fairly low. But check soon, and hopefully I'll have conquered the machine.

Thanks to those who have been praying for my cousins Meredith and Matthew. For those who don't know, the 24 and 22 year old brother and sister were in a terrible car accident in Fort Worth, TX. They are both in critical condition on life support, and have already undergone several surgeries, with more to come. Meredith has never regained consciousness, and Matthew did for a bit, but is in an induced coma for now. The injuries are massive and many, too many to list here. We serve a big God, bigger than medical problems and earthly limitations, and I know He can heal them if it is His will, which is my fervent prayer. Please pray for them if you can.

hello? (hello, hello?) is anybody in there? just nod if you can hear me.

I'm pretty sure you feel like there is no point in checking my blog, seeing as how there has been nothing new for a while. I was just telling Jackie that I am so impressed that she blogs every day or two, always w/ cute pics and/or something interesting to say. Being interesting is, of course, a prerequisite for that routine, so maybe I'll find something else to impress everyone.

The SlaughterHouse is lighter than ever before. No one has gone on a crash diet, but I went on a massive closet-purging spree, and so went a ridiculous amount of junk we didn't need. Living in tight quarters has finally forced me to attempt some greater organizational techniques, but even that was impossible until I was much more picky about what each of us can own, keep, and keep put away. Even cleaning was next-to-impossible with very little floor/wall space exposed. Things are looking better every day, and I'm feeling successful (Dave as the dutiful husband is telling me I have done a great job, but you know Dave, he'd say that anyway). But you probably shouldn't ask my kids how they feel about me eliminating 1/3 of their belongings....they haven't figured it out yet. I'm hoping it'll be Christmas before they notice, and then their new loot should be a permanent distraction from "lost" treasures.

Warren is doing well recovering from Lyme. We still have another week and a half on his meds, and then hopefully leave this chapter behind us. He seems to have been back to his normal self since 2 weeks into the antibiotics -- that was so good to see. He even played goalie in his soccer game last week, and did a wonderful job!

In 2 days, we head up to the Poconos, to spend a couple days with Rob, Steph and kids, and Dave's parents. We haven't seen his folks in a year, and the kids are soooo excited. They'll come down to our house afterwards, and spend a week here in VA. Depending on weather, we hope to go apple picking and a couple more fall-ish activities (of which I will try to get some pics so that I'll have a reason to update this blog again!).

After about 3 Indian summers so far, I'm hoping that today's cold front is not an impostor. These new sweaters that I bought with my birthday gift cards (waving to awesome sisters) are sitting in my closet mocking me, complete with their tags. And I'm pretty sure they are saying, "Texas followed you East". And that's just not right. I'm praying that it gets so cold here, that CJ and Aubrey will feel it from 1500 miles away.

More later? Don't hold your breath too long.

looks like the blind is still bluffing the blind

(Scene -- Molly is outside playing, 4 other kids are in the living room watching a movie/playing TMNT, I am in the kitchen throwing food into pots to resemble "dinner"...)

Liam: (screaming with fervor)

Me: What's wrong w/ Liam? Did he get hurt? Check on him, please!

Warren: Carrie, why did you hurt Liam?

Carrie: No, I didn't do it! I promise! I'm good today!

Warren: Henry, why did you hurt Liam?

Henry: I didn't do it! I promise! I don't know what happened!

Warren: (to Henry) Well, Molly is outside, and Carrie says she didn't do it, and I can control myself, so that leaves you.

Me: (silently) Sadly enough, W's rationale actually makes sense.

my own fine day

Happy Birthday to the best surprise ever! Can't believe we're looking back on an entire year (though the 90 degrees today certainly reminds us of the hot weather the day he was born), amazed at this little person that we got. A very busy guy, Liam definitely makes us think of Molly as a baby: a bit high-maintenance and demanding something all the time. He cannot function without his siblings around, is offended if anyone leaves a room which he occupies, and is trying to making yelling an Olympic sport (or is at least practicing like he believes it). At 11 months, he began walking and is now attempting to run, once again offended if the floor doesn't cooperate. I'm amazed at his will, stronger than my other kids at this age, and his undeterred spirit in the face of discipline. **sigh** He loves to hug though, and make a game of going back and forth between Mom and Dad to tease us, laughing hysterically. By the way, that last picture is not the "birthday cake" picture. That is the evidence of the "I-have-5-kids-and-don't-have-time-to-remember-what-they're-allowed-to-eat" syndrome. He's been eating chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and ice cream longer than I'm willing to admit here. I'm sure the cake tonight will not be as thrilling as it was to the other kids. So, to our little Virginia baby, may God bless us with many more years with you!

we are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made

Gosh! He looks like his Dad here! Well, I get so used to our family, and my kids especially, being fairly healthy, so it really shakes me up when one gets really sick. Warren, our oldest son, had been complaining of some pain since June or July, off and on. The pain seemed mostly in his right leg/knee, and would hurt for a day or two and he would limp severely, and then one day he'd be fine, play soccer, ride his bike, etc. We just thought maybe arch problems ("stop wearing flip-flops!") or growing pains ("here's an Advil"), but it still kept showing up every now and then. Then on Wednesday of last week, he was limping heavily again and avoided walking if he could. I was a little concerned, but then when he woke up the next morning and his right knee was the size of his head, I was definitely freaking out. He could barely walk, and was really lethargic. So we made an appt, spent all day seeing nurse practitioners, Drs, lab techs, and an orthopaedist. The ortho decided Warren's knee needed to be aspirated, as there was way too much fluid to leave in there. My little guy was very tough during the very painful procedure, and the Dr was amazed at his stoicism (so was I!). Yesterday the blood/fluid tests all came back positive for Lyme disease. No, we don't remember seeing a tick, and no, we never saw the "bulls-eye", and no, he hasn't run any fevers. Very strange, but here we are. For about 28 days he'll be on antibiotics, and hopefully that will be enough to kill the bacteria that's attacking his body. Poor guy is so tired and the pain is intermittent right now. He's handling it pretty well, just asking anxiously every now and then if they'll need to stick another needle in his knee. I am thankful this wasn't anything more serious, and that there are such good treatments for Lyme these days. And I have a lot to be thankful for, including that this was the first time I have taken a child in for a "sick" Dr visit in 3 years! I think God has been very gracious. He is so good -- all the time.

where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came

Some great Tex-mex place (I miss REAL food!) in Arlington, VA
You know we had to get one picture in front of the tree.
Our "good-bye" shot

I really do have the best friends. This was a much-needed long weekend, mostly just hanging out, catching up, trying new wines, watching silly movies, some sight-seeing, and lots of laughing and crying. We stayed at Janelle's house, just outside DC (thanks Craig for turning the house over to us!), Amy drove up from SC and Jackie flew in from UT. I'm so blessed that we are all still so close, though far in distance, and that after all these years we still can't wait to be together! And we're already planning for next year's Posse reunion. I could post paragraphs about each girl, who they are and what they mean to me, but since they already know how important they are to me, I'll just share the pics here. Now, back to normal life....

I'm strugging to cater for the space I'm meant to fill

Precisely because its been a tough two weeks and even in free time my brain is too tired to think, I've been remiss in posting. I haven't even taken any pictures lately, so no good ones to share with you. Tomorrow I'm heading out for "Posse 07", my annual college-girlfriend-getaway-weekend -- much needed right now! I'll post again when I get back, hopefully in a better frame of mind, and ready to tell you nice things about my children.

In the meantime, if you haven't already, check out the Warren family blog here if you want a good laugh and a dose of what our childhood was like. We had fun putting it together.

if I could, I'd do anything spontaneously

Once again, Henry has made it (safely?) to his next birthday! He is 5 today, and will start the day with Count Chocula cereal (that mean Mom never lets him have except on his birthday), and we'll have a party tonight where he'll collect his loot. Pictures of that to come! Not much has changed, Henry is still a fireball of energy and constantly pushing me to the point of exhaustion, but is also the crowd favorite in almost all settings. He's an entertainer, loves most forms of weaponry, and is currently on a Ninja Turtle and Harry Potter kick (sometimes they even cross paths...don't ask). We're starting a **bit** of Kindergarten stuff, but I know him well enough to know that starting very slowly and tricking him into learning will help keep me sane. No seat work (or sitting, for that matter) for this boy, school will mostly be completed while standing on his head, or on some unsuspecting sibling. Happy Birthday Cricket!

what tho' the odds be great or small

GO IRISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe I can't see, maybe its just me

Its almost September! I can't seem to find August -- don't know where it went or why. September means too many things that I don't want to face: guess I have to finally start school, my baby is soon going to be a year old, and I once again didn't follow through on my plan to start Christmas shopping in the summer and so now really have to start thinking about it. ugh. BUT!!! September also means "Posse 07" weekend, the annual gathering with my 3 best friends from college! We're meeting out here this year since Janelle and I both live in the DC area and Amy will be in SC, meaning only Jackie has to fly. Three weeks til the party starts!

CJ came to visit a couple weeks ago...and had the nerve to leave again. I can't figure out why she doesn't like us enough to just stay forever, but I'll do some self-improvement and see if that makes a difference next time. I also had a birthday and tried to ignore it, but did get some SAH-WEET! presents from my splendiferous sisters and Mom -- great gift cards to go shopping and buy new clothes! I haven't done this outside the maternity section in a loooooong time, realizing that most of my wardrobe is from either the first few years of marriage or even college (still wearing some of your hand-me-downs, Jackie). My sisters had evidently had enough of the embarrassment and convinced Mom to go in with them to force me to shop. I got some cute stuff (according to Annie, who I consider the family authority on all things trendy), and still have some shopping to go. Woo-hoo! One very happy August happening was that Carrie potty-trained herself in just a couple days. I have NO idea how this happened, just that God must have figured I deserved one easy go-round after some of my doozies. I'm still scratching my head, but very grateful. Carrie says to me, "Mom, tell me I'm the best trainy-potter in the whole-wide world you ever seen!". So I did.

I am almost ready to start school. Most of our books are here, and I just need to do a bit more planning out the first couple weeks. As usual, most of my energy goes into what to do with the non-schoolers, not the lesson plans themselves. Putting Henry in charge of Carrie and Liam just doesn't sound like a wise thing (if I want to keep them) so I'm trying to be creative. We'll start soccer again next week, with the older 3 playing, and in 2 weeks we start our first co-op. I'm hoping this will be a good thing without making us too busy. Despite the fact that I'm an "out-of-the-house" type person, I don't want to be in the car all the time, and am striving for a good balance of time at home with structured school days with social/academic outings for the Super Social Slaughters.

I'll try to have some new pics up in Sept -- haven't taken many lately. Sooooo, that's it from the Slaughterhouse for now!

playing with those memories again

Another fun jaunt to the Poconos, over and done. And it was crazy fun! Friday morning we headed out in the boat to do some tubing, and I think everyone who was interested got a turn...just before the boat died. **sigh** So, we putzed back to the dock and headed to the house for the evening. Dave and Rob had to putz the boat back across the lake to a spot where they could hitch the boat to the van, and tow it to the repair marina. As luck would have it, a big storm came out of nowhere during their trek, so that made it extra fun. Saturday we took the kids to swim in the lake and they had a blast just splashing and jumping off the dock. Great news after lunch -- boat fixed (and thankfully for the Finks, not an expensive repair)! We headed back out for more tubing in the evening, but since a lot of people were out on the lake, the water was super-choppy, making for bumpy riding. When Molly, Robbie, and Warren were riding, one bump was too much, and Warren went flying out, cartwheeling a few times and then skipping like a stone across Lake Henry. He quit screaming once he saw the boat was swinging back around for him, and Daddy had jumped out and was swimming toward him. I was shocked that he was as calm as he was (told him he showed up his sister who only fell in a grody river), and even more shocked when he informed Uncle Rob that he was a great driver for "bumping him out of the tube" and could he please do that again? You go, Warren!! Sunday morning, Dave did some wake boarding and I must add that he looks pretty darn cute out there trying to impress me :-) I let Rob and Steph talk me into getting on the water skis. After a number of attempts, I was waterlogged, sore, and embarrassed, but glad I tried and hoping my next showing will be an improvement (can't be much else). Molly water skied too, and did great for her first time. We also had a combined birthday party for all 8 kids, which is now a new family tradition for us. All in all, great time, more wonderful memories. We are so blessed with such great families! A few pics of the drama:

Robbie, me, Carrie and Warren getting ready for a tube ride

My handsome husband having the time of his life
Carrie and Victoria having their own little sleepover
Robbie loving on Liam
The shot that Grandpa requested -- all 8 treasures

you put too much food on my plate

I don't have anything particularly interesting to say today, but thought I would share my smug satisfaction with myself, with all of you (how kind of me you say. I know.). A really sweet lady from across the street brought me a T-O-N of fresh tomatoes the other day from her garden. Now, I can hear Tami now, trying to figure out why I would accept such a gift, seeing as how I won't eat raw tomatoes. But I'm also super-frugal, and use everything I can to feed my family. So, I did what any girl in my situation would do...ask Mom! I got great advice from her about what to do to use them all, and spent yesterday evening washing, blanching, peeling, chopping and dividing them into approx. 1 can portions to replace store-bought cans of tomatoes. Some I'll put in the blender later for crushed/puree. I'm so proud of myself! For those not so new to the domestic pursuits, you may laugh at me and wonder why I'm not right now knee deep in my own tomato garden or mending socks instead of blogging, but thats ok. We have lots of frozen tomatoes!!! I'll make chili, spaghetti, and a cool new recipe Aubrey sent me for what sounds like a scrumptious Chicken/spinach/pasta recipe. So give me a virtual pat on the back please.

imagine me and you, and you and me

We just got back from our first Slaughter family camping weekend, and it was a wonderful success! Everyone had fun, and with 7 people that alone is amazing. We went to Greenbrier State Park in Boonsboro, MD and pitched our tent. I wasn't so sure how this would go with a baby in a port-a-crib and 2 still in diapers. And any new adventure with 5 short people is pretty tough to plan for, but it was so great. We cooked over the fire, hiked, swam in Greenbrier Lake (pictures of that later), made s'mores, and the Slaughter family-famous "dough balls" (YUM!), and wonder-of-wonders, everyone slept! The first night wasn't so fun, since Dave and I were freezing. That was totally my fault as I didn't figure in that temps would be lower at night up there, so our very thin, old blanket didn't do much. We bought a warmer blanket for the 2nd night and slept much better. The kids loved it and can't wait to go back. I think we'll be camping much more often now that we've all had a taste of it and came home happy.

Here's our great family tent.

The happy camping Dad with his babies.
Going to bed was never so much fun!
Our youngest camper -- what a trooper.

the first time ever I saw your face

My little Sunshine turns 3 today. Carrie is very excited, because she got to pick out a cereal (Dora, of course) to eat for her birthday breakfast, and that was all she could talk about before going to bed last night. Oh, the simple things in life. We'll have a party when Molly gets home, so today will just be spent trying to make her feel like more of princess than she already knows she is.

Carrie Ellen is our girlie-girl, dress-up queen, dancer/singer/entertainer. Everything in her life happens on Tuesday, by the way. She will turn 3 on Tuesday, go potty on Tuesday (never seems to come about though), and Dok will come visit her on Tuesday. We're not quite sure why that day holds such an affinity for her but we just roll with it now. She pretty much has Daddy wrapped around her little finger (ok, me too) and has already figured out the tone and eye-batting that will get her a "yes, sweetie" every time. I think we're getting soft.

So, happy birthday to YOU Carrie! We're so glad you tricked us (another story), and continue to brighten our days with everything you do.

this is a song for you, far away from me

Today is my oldest baby's birthday, and she is 9. Where has the time gone?? This girl is our family tomboy of sorts, preferring bike-riding and dirt-digging to dress-up and dolls. She is competitive, loves to organize games for her brothers, and is generous with hugs and kisses. One trait she comes by honestly is the Warren-family tendency to make up silly songs with silly words, trying to sing to get a point across instead of talk (ok, really this is my Dad's trait, but well-impressed upon the rest of us), so we always enjoy her new melodies. Right now we're missing her terribly, as she is in the mountains of northern New Mexico with my parents, siblings, grandparents and other assorted relatives. She has made fast friends with my cousin's daughter Bailey, and they are all hiking, fishing, eating, mini-golfing, eating, relaxing, exploring and eating. Can't wait until she's home so I can give her the birthday hug a few days late. I love you Molly-Cat, and am so glad that 9 years ago it was you who showed up! Happy Birthday!

and I mean it from the bottom of my heart

Our oldest son is 6 today -- seems impossible!! Warren (Wes to some of you) is the one child that we really waited for, wondering why he wasn't showing up yet, and then elated when he finally did. He was worth the 2-yr wait, and has been amazing to watch as he grows and learns. Most of you know his OCD tendencies, his picky palette (inherited from an unnamed aunt), and what a tender spirit he has. But he's also very intuitive, clever, and loves to make up jokes. He's a riot and we love having him in our family. Happy Birthday little man!

you're gonna love me

This always makes me smile, even on a bad day.

God only knows what I'd be without you

I pretty much think we're the cutest couple ever. We had a wonderful time out for our 10th, dinner and a movie. Any time alone without short people is appreciated, and we have Bethany to thank for giving us the evening to ourselves. While we were out, we talked about a million things (one great benefit of us being such great friends) and particularly how blessed we are, as a couple, as a family. It almost made us miss those short people, who were at home, happily gorging on a steady stream of any/every imaginable junk food that Beth fed them. Hopefully we'll be blessed with another date before our next anniversary!

tell me how much longer it'll grow stronger every day

As a few of you who read my blog know, I went on that very first date with Dave very tentatively, mostly because after all Aubrey had done to "encourage" him to ask me out, she'd have killed me if I declined. I had no idea that he was interested in me. He was older, graduated from MBI already, and so I kind of saw him as out of my league I guess. But I did kind of assume that he was also asking to get Aubrey off of his back, so thought it would most likely be a one time deal (not to mention that I wasn't sure he'd get past the call to "the Col."). Anyway, it took approximately an hour into the date before it hit me that "hey, I think he likes me!" and also that I might think he's pretty cool too. Then it took another 1/2 of our second date to realize that I was hooked. For good.

Its kind of funny -- we don't have those memories some have of being friends first, or even "hanging out" while trying to decide whether we'd date. We got to know each other quickly, haunting every coffee shop in walking distance of the school, falling in love about as fast as we could drink the coffee (and if you know us...)

Less than a year later, he put a ring on my finger, told me he never wanted to live without me, loved me more than he could say. And a few months after that, 10 years ago today, we said "forever". While I had jitters about the "wedding", and all the fussy planning that seems to be inevitable, I never had a second thought, couldn't get down that aisle fast enough. I was so ready to make this life which held things I couldn't have then imagined.

I won't try to begin describing what my heart says about him. He knows, and some of you do too. God knew what this little 20-year old girl needed to help her grow up, and to open her heart and mind to what was in store. Dave continues to amaze me in how he loves me, these great kids we collected, and most of all His God.

I'm afraid to blink, since I'm sure that as soon as I do I'll be posting about our second decade together. But I love knowing that its coming. Happy Anniversary babe -- now take me on a date.

making a connection with the bittersweet

When I was about 18, this became one of my most favorite poems, by brilliant poet Luci Shaw:

MORE AND MORE...

...I find myself coinciding

with myself. I meet me coming

and going and when I think of me,

there I am, quite often. I'm getting hard

to escape; I used to be hard to find.

*

What irony, when I have been everywhere,

my life spread so wide - flung, taut, like a single

bedsheet stretched to cover the whole world.

Thinned to transparency, a bubble bursting.

Stalled, a wave to spent to conquer the beach.

*

Now, though, its like double vision - when

your eyes finally get it right, and pull

the split image into one. I see myself mirrored,

clean at all my edges, even the hairs around my head

in focus, the sun blazing them into a halo.

*

For some unexplained reason, I have been mulling the words of this poem lately, sort of seeing myself in them. I suppose at first blush, the final words of the last stanza would seem to represent some sort of exposed hubris, but I don't think it really reads that way. We always have self-improvement projects going on I suppose, and though the mantra of my early youth was more of a Calvin & Hobbes "...my resolution is not to change one single bit", I quickly saw how far that could get me.

*

After moving to VA, I saw my need to develop contentment. Well, truth be told I saw that need long ago but characteristically ignored/denied it, rebelled against meaningful growth. I can be so stupid. So I finally really saw it. God has been gracious, and granted the wisdom and strength to begin to conquer this area of decay in my life.

*

And so I've read this poem, seeing those early days of my adulthood, marriage, motherhood, when I first think "no problem" and then quickly disappear into a quicksand of doubt, restlessness, and fear. Though cyclical, it was there often enough to keep me from doing my best, trusting like I should, loving like I should. "Now, though, its like double-vision, when your eyes finally get it right..." So I'm still progressing, in this and a myriad of other areas, but I feel like I'm coming along. I'm 30, and I'm coming along.