and I mean it from the bottom of my heart

Our oldest son is 6 today -- seems impossible!! Warren (Wes to some of you) is the one child that we really waited for, wondering why he wasn't showing up yet, and then elated when he finally did. He was worth the 2-yr wait, and has been amazing to watch as he grows and learns. Most of you know his OCD tendencies, his picky palette (inherited from an unnamed aunt), and what a tender spirit he has. But he's also very intuitive, clever, and loves to make up jokes. He's a riot and we love having him in our family. Happy Birthday little man!

you're gonna love me

This always makes me smile, even on a bad day.

God only knows what I'd be without you

I pretty much think we're the cutest couple ever. We had a wonderful time out for our 10th, dinner and a movie. Any time alone without short people is appreciated, and we have Bethany to thank for giving us the evening to ourselves. While we were out, we talked about a million things (one great benefit of us being such great friends) and particularly how blessed we are, as a couple, as a family. It almost made us miss those short people, who were at home, happily gorging on a steady stream of any/every imaginable junk food that Beth fed them. Hopefully we'll be blessed with another date before our next anniversary!

tell me how much longer it'll grow stronger every day

As a few of you who read my blog know, I went on that very first date with Dave very tentatively, mostly because after all Aubrey had done to "encourage" him to ask me out, she'd have killed me if I declined. I had no idea that he was interested in me. He was older, graduated from MBI already, and so I kind of saw him as out of my league I guess. But I did kind of assume that he was also asking to get Aubrey off of his back, so thought it would most likely be a one time deal (not to mention that I wasn't sure he'd get past the call to "the Col."). Anyway, it took approximately an hour into the date before it hit me that "hey, I think he likes me!" and also that I might think he's pretty cool too. Then it took another 1/2 of our second date to realize that I was hooked. For good.

Its kind of funny -- we don't have those memories some have of being friends first, or even "hanging out" while trying to decide whether we'd date. We got to know each other quickly, haunting every coffee shop in walking distance of the school, falling in love about as fast as we could drink the coffee (and if you know us...)

Less than a year later, he put a ring on my finger, told me he never wanted to live without me, loved me more than he could say. And a few months after that, 10 years ago today, we said "forever". While I had jitters about the "wedding", and all the fussy planning that seems to be inevitable, I never had a second thought, couldn't get down that aisle fast enough. I was so ready to make this life which held things I couldn't have then imagined.

I won't try to begin describing what my heart says about him. He knows, and some of you do too. God knew what this little 20-year old girl needed to help her grow up, and to open her heart and mind to what was in store. Dave continues to amaze me in how he loves me, these great kids we collected, and most of all His God.

I'm afraid to blink, since I'm sure that as soon as I do I'll be posting about our second decade together. But I love knowing that its coming. Happy Anniversary babe -- now take me on a date.

making a connection with the bittersweet

When I was about 18, this became one of my most favorite poems, by brilliant poet Luci Shaw:

MORE AND MORE...

...I find myself coinciding

with myself. I meet me coming

and going and when I think of me,

there I am, quite often. I'm getting hard

to escape; I used to be hard to find.

*

What irony, when I have been everywhere,

my life spread so wide - flung, taut, like a single

bedsheet stretched to cover the whole world.

Thinned to transparency, a bubble bursting.

Stalled, a wave to spent to conquer the beach.

*

Now, though, its like double vision - when

your eyes finally get it right, and pull

the split image into one. I see myself mirrored,

clean at all my edges, even the hairs around my head

in focus, the sun blazing them into a halo.

*

For some unexplained reason, I have been mulling the words of this poem lately, sort of seeing myself in them. I suppose at first blush, the final words of the last stanza would seem to represent some sort of exposed hubris, but I don't think it really reads that way. We always have self-improvement projects going on I suppose, and though the mantra of my early youth was more of a Calvin & Hobbes "...my resolution is not to change one single bit", I quickly saw how far that could get me.

*

After moving to VA, I saw my need to develop contentment. Well, truth be told I saw that need long ago but characteristically ignored/denied it, rebelled against meaningful growth. I can be so stupid. So I finally really saw it. God has been gracious, and granted the wisdom and strength to begin to conquer this area of decay in my life.

*

And so I've read this poem, seeing those early days of my adulthood, marriage, motherhood, when I first think "no problem" and then quickly disappear into a quicksand of doubt, restlessness, and fear. Though cyclical, it was there often enough to keep me from doing my best, trusting like I should, loving like I should. "Now, though, its like double-vision, when your eyes finally get it right..." So I'm still progressing, in this and a myriad of other areas, but I feel like I'm coming along. I'm 30, and I'm coming along.