
26 December 2005
live, love, laugh and be happy

14 December 2005
you're my water, you're my wine, you're my whiskey from time to time
i don't need a clever confidant
to try to soothe with hollow words
i've heard them all
what i need is just to know
i have a home
within your heart
I love you babe.
13 December 2005
we're only two-bit clowns in a one-ring circus

04 December 2005
I feel it like a sickness, how this love is killing me
Dave is still looking for a house for us in VA. He has less than 3 weeks to do so if we're going to move at Christmas, so we pray that God will lead him to the right place quickly. 19 days until we're together again.
24 November 2005
We were young & none of us knew quite what to say
Little did I know how deep these roots had grown

Our big news that most of you reading this already know is that we're moving. Dave decided after working, praying, and waiting to see God lead, that we are being led to Virginia where Dave can support his family and we can have our own home again. It is so exciting, this big thing we're doing. It is scary and hard, too, for so many reasons. We have prayed that God will make it very clear and we believe He has, and trust that as the remaining details get worked out, He will continue to show Himself to us. We need to find a house, save money for the move, get packed (by myself!), etc. So, Dave leaves Saturday morning, to drive the loooooong drive back. Graciously, my super-great brother-in-law, Caleb, has offered to drive with Dave instead of flying back with Annie. That will make the trip better for Dave, and less worrisome for me, to know he has help and company. I am having a hard time right now thinking about letting him go again, but walking in faith that this is leading to a new start for us. Right now, we are planning a move between Christmas and New Year if all the plans work the way we hope they will.
While its hard to think about leaving all the family here, its especially hard to leave CJ. Its so hard to see her in so much pain all the time, and sad that her life has temporarily taken a turn that no one would ask for. And so far there's no end in sight. The doctors here at Wilford Hall have done all that they can do, and will hopefully be referring her to a specialist, but we're not sure of anything yet. In the meantime, she still can't work, go to school, drive. And I know that there's nothing I can do to make her feel better. I wish I could take the pain for her. I want to protect this sister that I helped raise and take care of for so many years, and I can't. I want to help her to forget her pain and have fun, and I usually can't do that either. She has been such a good friend and sister to me, helping me raise my children, having stupid fun with me, being a good reminder of patience and endurance. I want to give her something back. So I pray for her and love her as best I can. And trust that as always, God is good.
08 November 2005
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Dave is doing well in VA. He is enjoying the work so far, loving the cooler weather that is eluding us here in Texas. I think I'll have more of an update of where we believe God is leading in my next blog. For now we keep praying that His will is clearly laid out for us.
CJ is back at the Dr today, and we're hoping for something. We don't know what. Well, healing I guess. She is discouraged, and still in pain. Hopefully this long road won't be too much longer.
I have a friend who is suffering. Really suffering. And I hate it. Its so hard to watch someone you love hurting. Especially when you can do nothing to stop it. His ways are higher than our ways.
30 October 2005
we get to carry each other

This is an old photo, from 2 years ago at the Pumpkin Patch, but I like it. Dave is gone, left yesterday for Virginia. We are definitely not meant to be apart. This is going to be tough on all of us. The weekend has actually gone smoother than I anticipated. I even got all 4 ready for church and sat through most of service until the Carrie decided to stop being helpful. So, we just have to make it through 3 weeks. I will try my hardest to be SuperMom, though I know that if ever I'm a good Mom its because Dave is a great Dad. If I have to do this for a few months, I'm not sure how I'll deal with that. But I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and panic about that yet. I'll just keep my panicking to the immediate issues at hand. Warren asked today where Daddy was, and when I said "You know where he is", he replied "Oh yeah, on vacation". I assured him that Daddy was indeed working and that if left us for 3 weeks for vacation, he'd have a lot to answer for when he came back. I'm sure I'll have plenty to whine about while he's gone, so be sure to keep checking back.
25 October 2005
how long til my soul gets it right?
So my 3 best friends from college -- Jackie, Janelle, and Amy -- and I are planning a trip next summer! Wahoo! The 4 of us were known suspiciously as "the Posse" around campus, and we wore that label like a tiara. We had all kinds of fun, broke a few rules, broke a few hearts :-) and other college nonsense. For the most part we have kept in touch for the past 10 years and seen each other a few times. At Amy's wedding in summer 2003 we were all together, but that's the last time. So, we're trying for a Posse reunion in Chicago (the site of our dubious origin) summer 2006. Sooo excited!!
Dave is preparing for leaving Saturday to go to Virginia. I am so torn with being so sad about the separation and wanting him to just GO already so we can find out if this is where God is taking us. There are so many emotions swirling, and I'm sure that will continue for a bit. I told him we have to get webcams so Carrie won't forget him :-(
Cooler weather is finally here....aaaaahh. Its so nice to wear long sleeves and not sweat. This morning when I woke up it was 40 degrees! Of course it will be close to 80 before the days out, but hey, beggars can't be choosers. I'm just hoping we can wear sweaters on Thanksgiving Day, and that's not always a given around here.
20 October 2005
changes come, turn my world around
Right now I am gearing up for being a temporary single Mom while Dave is away. I certainly have the best circumstances for that, with the help from my parents and siblings. I expect Nate, Beth and Shell to help me, and in return they'll receive their share of big cokes :-) It will be hard with Dave away, hard on me and the kids, but I know that God will provide for that too. I'm praying for an extra measure of patience and grace for all of us.
To shift a bit, looks like CJ will have the nuclear medicine study done on Monday, so the Drs can try to find the leak and hopefully fix it. She is nervous, hoping they'll knock her out so she doesn't have to remember the yuckiness this time. But she's not getting better, at least not enough, so this is really necessary. She is such an active person, with such a full, busy life that its so hard to see her hurting and immobile. We all believe (even her, though it may be tough to grasp at times) that God has brought this into her life for a reason, and will not fail to work it for His good and her growth. It would be so wonderful to see her resume normal life again soon...until then we wait, pray and trust.
Too tired to post more...there's always more to say but it will wait.
10 October 2005
take my tears and that's not nearly all
Mom is better too, though she's still dealing with some troubles from her surgery. She has had so many troubles from so many things, and I hope she gets a trouble break here soon.
Pawpop will meet with the Dr. on Wednesday to discuss starting his radiation. I guess it will start pretty quickly. This is scary, and we're just praying that one round will get rid of the cancer. The holidays are a terrible time to have to go through this (is there a good time?) but I know that God's peace will be with them through it all. Pawpop is so much more trusting than I am, and watching him face this is humbling.
Dave's job at Target is going fairly well. He's trying to learn how to get enough sleep on his off days which is a challenge. But he's managing better than I had hoped, and that makes me thankful. I like him a lot.
Ok, was just listening to this and I love this song (anyone else like David Wilcox?):
what is it really that's keeping me
from living a life that's true?
when the worries speak louder than wisdom
drowns out all the answers I knew
so I'm tossed on the waves of that surface
still the mystery's dark and deep
with a much more frightening stillness
underneath
08 October 2005
You're still written in my days, all the pages coming back to me

We just spent the day at Sea World with my friend Jennifer, her husband Jonathan, and their beautiful children Isabel and Nicholas. Jen and I met in Germany in 92 during high school, and have managed to stay in touch and be friends ever since! Both of our fathers were in the Air Force, and we lived in the same building on Rhein Main Air Base. We had such fun and have lots of silly memories to recount. New friends are wonderful, but its such a blessing to be able to stay close to the old ones and have that connection running through your lives. I've been blessed to stay close to both Jen and Jackie (my Germany and college best friend) and am so grateful for that. Jen has now moved south of Austin, so I hope to be seeing more of her in the future! Love to you, Jen!
30 September 2005
sing the poems, free the butterflies

Kids are great. And they are so honest. That isn't always a pleasant thing, but its sweet. I love my kids (even though one sweet, small one is missing from this picture) and they remind me how blessed I am every day. Thanks to our friend Stephanie Bruener who took this picture while we were in Washington, in Dave's parent's backyard.
28 September 2005
words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm
22 September 2005
we are not as strong as we think we are
18 September 2005
no wits or whats about it
11 September 2005
06 September 2005
I know that compassion is all out of fashion...
05 September 2005
We don't need a lot of money, we'll be sleeping on the beach...

22 August 2005
And so she woke up, woke up from where she was, lying still...
20 August 2005
Pour me a glass of wine, we'll talk into the night...
Its my birthday. And Dave is home. We went to dinner, and stuffed our faces with all the good stuff at the Cheesecake Factory (thanks to Christine's nice gift) and had a great time. Bethany was a great babysitter, but refused to take my money. So, we stopped at the HEB and bought her a case of Mountain Dew. She took it. So, I started to feel a bit old for the first time ever, which I didn't expect to feel. But that led to me thinking about how blessed I am at 29. To have grown up in a family where each one is cherished and honored. To have these 4 sweet children who all love me so much. And to have this man God gave me who loves me more than his own life. Its all too much, and I know I don't deserve it, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.